Becoming like a child

Last night as I was giving my son his last "meal" before bed, I was so ready to have him in bed and spend some time with my husband. He usually does really well eating and going down with no problem but last night was a different issue. He did fine with the first 4 ounces and then, after a I changed his diaper, he didn't seem to want the rest and kept spitting it out and crying. I knew he was tired as he had had to skip one nap that day, but I also knew that if he didn't eat his whole bottle then he would be up during the night wanting to eat. Selfishly, I kept trying to force him to eat (as sometimes he is just a little strong willed and wants things his way but will give in eventually). As he was getting more and more frustrated, so was I. Finally I just gave up and put him to bed (where he fell asleep RIGHT AWAY!). I left the room thinking "fine, I guess you will just be hungry!"

Just as I figured, he woke up around 4:30am and as I prepared a bottle (because I knew he would be hungry and he has been fighting a cold so the fluids would be good anyways), I thought to myself, "I told ya so!!!" Then, as I went in his room, as he was crying, and picked him up, he looked at me and immediately stopped crying. It was as if his eyes said "Mommas here, it's okay." Then the tears came! As I cried and fed Caleb, God was whispering to me that this is another reason He asks us to be come like children....I always thought it to be because of their "childlike" faith...but as He spoke to me, I heard him say, "Look at how he forgives!!!!" The night before I was so upset with him for not eating and he was no doubt upset at me for "forcing" him to eat when he was so tired, yet, now he was there in my arms eating and looking up at me like everything was okay. He fell asleep after eating and I held him in my arms and cuddle him for a while and praised God for all the lessons I have learned from my small little son!

How many times in my life have I let the sin of unforgiveness fester in my heart? Last night, in the early morning hours as, I admit, reluctantly got up to feed my son, God used that time to speak to me and tell me how much He desires me to become like a little child and forgive DAILY those that hurt or disappoint me. It seems like the lessons I learn from Caleb have been far more life changing then any lessons I have learned in life so far! Thanks Buddy!!!!

Cutest boy around!!!

Carrying Burdens

At church on Sunday, during prayer time, our pastor prayed that our congregation would be come fervent prayer warriors and carry each others burdens as we go through hard times. It got me thinking about how many people have stood beside me in hard times (not just since I have been a mom but throughout my life) and carried my burdens with me. How honored I was to look around just in that room and see people that have stood beside me....I got to thinking how many friends and family have pulled me through hard times...there are time in my life that I am not sure I would have gotten through without their support. Just a few come to mind...

Kirk- there have been times throughout our marriage (and before) when you have been my rock in hard times. There have been many tears cried on your shoulder and your love for me still holds fast! What an amazing man, husband, and now father you are! I couldn't ask for anyone more perfect to share every part of my life with! I love you with my whole heart!

Adam- I am not sure if you remember this conversation or not, but I remember talking to you on the phone during the time I was in "limbo" about changing my major from Nursing. I remember you saying that you were so proud of me for who I had become and that you were blessed to see how much I had grown in the past couple of years. It meant the world to me that you were so supportive in my decision, whatever it might be, and that you were going to lift me up in prayer. I can't tell you how much your love and support meant to me then and still mean to me today! You will always have a special place in my heart!!!!!

Katie- Your advice has meant the world to me through these first few months of motherhood...I wish I could steal you away and keep you here in my house just to bounce questions off every once in a while! :) It is always refreshing to talk to you and get your "ideas" on motherhood. I can't tell you how much that pulled me through during the first month or so of Caleb's life. Those were hard HARD days and your friendship and advice were "lights" to me every time you called! Thanks for being friend before all else! I am so blessed to have such a great sister-in-law!!! I am glad we share a special bond.

Mom- There have been countless times you have stood in my corner and lifted me up in prayer and support! I can't even begin to repay you for your endless love and devotion to me, dad, the boys, and now ALL of our families. I am honored to not only be your daughter but your friend. I so enjoy your company and there are times I feel I could sit and talk to you for days and not get bored. I want to thank you for your time you spent with me after Caleb was born....though the time was short, it was SUCH a blessing to me. Through the trials of nursing and little sleep, it was so nice to have someone there physically to talk through things and cry with :). I can honestly say, I may have given up on nursing if it weren't for your help (though it is still not as enjoyable for me as you make it sound :) ! I feel so blessed and honored to be your daughter. What a great woman, wife, mother, and grandmother you are! I can't wait for my kids to get to know you personally and see how wise, loving, and generous you are! I love you mom!!!!

Dad- there are many burdens you have carried not only for me, but for our family. There have been so many sacrifices you have endured for me, mom and the boys! I can't thank you enough for your strength, discipline, love, compassion, and faithfulness to us through the years. Thank you for supporting me, loving me, and praying for me though many phases of my life. Your fervant prayer for me has pulled me through more "valleys" in my life and I know! Some day, when I reach heaven, I will know the full extent of the power of your prayers! I love you dad!

I could fill this page with so many more people, but this blog would not be able to hold them all! I pray that I can be a "burden carrier" with the people in my life and show them Christ's love and compassion for them. I have been getting to know some of the new mothers as well as soon to be mothers in our church (there are 4 of them) and I have really had a desire to talk to them and share my advice (though I am no expert) on pregnancy and motherhood in it's early days.....it is so fresh in my mind and heart. I have enjoyed making phone calls during the day just to see how they are and remind them that I am in prayer for them. What a special (yet difficult) time that was for me and I pray they can feel the blessing of motherhood as I did and still am.

Anyways, just some things on my mind and heart!

Surroundings

Just a thought about how important it is to surround yourself with people that love you and pray for you. What a struggle this 4 month journey has been and I know that prayers of family and friends around me have gotten me through. What a blessing it is to be a child of God and know that he puts people in our lives to care for us and carry us through hard times.

At church on Sunday I shared my heart (through many tears) about my struggles through motherhood and how God has brought me through and stood beside me in very dark days. How blessed I am to have a church family that supports me. I have had countless people come to me and tell me they are praying for me and they will help in any way they can.....what a blessing it is and it touches me heart in a very real way!

God thank you for your provision and guidance through these early days of being a mom! I pray that you will give me wisdom and strength to bring Caleb up in your Word. Help me live a life that will be pleasing to you and that he will see as an offering to you. YOu are the one I desire to serve with all my heart! I pray that my son will come to know you at an early age and know of your life and saving grace. I pray that you would protect his heart and mind as he grows that he will be a strong leader for your kingdom! I love you with all my heart and desire to be the wife, mother, daughter, aunt and EVERYTHING else that you desire me to be. Equip me with your love and strength in the days ahead! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Being a mom

Being a mom....the hardest yet most rewarding job on the planet. There are days when things go just as planned and days when everything seems off tilt. I am so much of a "planner" that having a baby has taught me...and is still teaching me...flexibility and patience. God has done so much in my life in the 4 months that he has been in our lives. There have been low lows and high highs, but God has continued to show is faithfulness and continuted love.

God continues to pick me up out of the nastiness of my self-involved life and shows me that HE IS GOD? Each day I have to decide to follow Him and trust His way is best for me. I have to lay down my expectations and lean on His promises to guide my path.

That quite a thought.....expectations. Yet another lesson I am in the process of learning thoughout motherhood. Daily I have to change and rearrange my expectations of myself as a mother and wife. Not only expectations of myself but expectations of my husband and my son. God has been molding my expectations to line up more fully with His and be able to know that He is in control of the little things in my life as well as the big things. What a blessing to know he cares about me and is gently guiding me through each day of my life.

Anyways, just some thoughts today.....again, mostly to "vent" and get my thoughts together in this crazy world of mothering! What a joy it is to see children grow.....they teach us so much!