Asking...

One thing I regret at the beginning when Caleb was first born was not asking for help as much as I should have. Before he was born my thoughts were "I can do this.....I have babysat SO MANY TIMES....I am good with kids.....I have nieces and nephews and I can take care of them". Boy, is it different when you are the MOM! When the child is with you 24/7 things are much different.

Now, when Caleb is just over 5 months old, I am learning how to ask for help from friends and family. I am reaching out to other mothers and asking for suggestions and a helpful hand. It is amazing what sympathy and helpful hints you get from mothers that have been there! It was a huge revelation for me when I realized that I am not the only one in this boat of motherhood (it seems like a simple thing to grasp but for me it wasn't). Not only do I have a wonderful husband by my side who is, and will always, be there for me, but there are MANY mothers who have been in the same boat as me.....they have had the same heartache when their baby hurts and when their baby cries. They have stood just beyond the bedroom door as their baby cries and their own tears are running down their face! THEY HAVE BEEN THERE TOO!

If I could give advice to any new mother, I would say: Don't hesitate to ask for help from those you love and trust! They will pull through for you! No question is a stupid question when you are just figuring out this FULL time job of motherhood! You are not alone!

Just something I have learned (and am still learning) over the past 5 months! :) Motherhood is hard work but the benefits and joys FAR FAR outweigh the struggles!

Dedication

Just yesterday we had the honor of dedicating Caleb to the Lord. As I stopped and thought about this (after the dedication), it truly is a very high calling. It is something to not take lightly! (Granted, I did understand this before the fact but it just hadn't really sunk in too far yet) To stand before a congregation of people and PROMISE that you will do your best to raise your child in the ways of the Lord and to be held accountable to that is something so humbling that it gives me goose bumps!! I was brought to tears during the service when the Pastor called on our family and our church family to come along side us and guide Caleb to Christ through being examples to him of Godly men and women. What a great relief it is that Kirk and I will not be alone in this. That there will be people at church (when family cannot always be here with us) that will join us in raising Caleb to be a Godly man. Sure, he will have his choices in life and the choice to accept Christ as his personal Savior will ultimately be his, but I know that as I grew up, it meant a LOT to have people around me at church and school that could hold me accountable to what I believed and could be an example of how I should live for Christ. We are so blessed that Caleb will have that in our church.

As I went to bed last night I prayed that I would be a Godly mother and teach Caleb how to love God WHOLLY and COMPLETELY with everything he has. That I can point him to Christ in everything he does. That I will be able to show him that God loves him more than I ever could.

God help me to point Caleb to You. I pray that your light and love will shine through me as I care for my son. He is ultimately YOURS and I thank you for the privilege to raise him while I am here on this earth!

Smiles

Just a thought....what a great feeling it is when your child smiles at you....no matter what the age! They are so precious. Yeah for children!!! :)

Needs...

Today, as Caleb was in his swing and fussing and just being cranky, I was thinking "can't you just be content for a few minutes so I can get some quite time?" As soon as Kirk got home, I told him to take Caleb so I could just have some quite....well, our house is not that big and Caleb (although he did quite down for a short time) continue to fuss and cry and I could hear it all. Finally, I just took Caleb in my arms and just started talking to him in a gentle voice. He started to calm down and look at me right in the eye and hold my face in his hands....just looking at me and touching my face. As I talked, I thought, how many times do I just try and drown out the noise of my crying baby when in fact all he needs is ME!

As mothers we have a very special bond with our babies...not that fathers don't, but I think the bond is totally different with the separate parents. There are many times that I just try and drown out the noise he makes and see if he will settle down. I pray I can be more understanding and see when he really just needs MOM! What a privilege (and struggle at times) it is to be that comfort for your baby. God truly knows a thing or two about relationships huh?

Just a thought...

Family

As I enjoyed the Sunday afternoon doing NOTHING but spending time with my husband and my son, I was reminded how important it is to be with family. It is my FAVORITE thing to do. As we went to bed, my husband said to me "Is it strange that this was the perfect weekend....we didn't have to go anywhere or do anything but be together!"......my thought was "NO! It was the perfect weekend for me too!"

What a blessing it is to just be home and happy with your family (especially when it is cold and snowy outside!!!)

Just a quick thought...

Becoming like a child

Last night as I was giving my son his last "meal" before bed, I was so ready to have him in bed and spend some time with my husband. He usually does really well eating and going down with no problem but last night was a different issue. He did fine with the first 4 ounces and then, after a I changed his diaper, he didn't seem to want the rest and kept spitting it out and crying. I knew he was tired as he had had to skip one nap that day, but I also knew that if he didn't eat his whole bottle then he would be up during the night wanting to eat. Selfishly, I kept trying to force him to eat (as sometimes he is just a little strong willed and wants things his way but will give in eventually). As he was getting more and more frustrated, so was I. Finally I just gave up and put him to bed (where he fell asleep RIGHT AWAY!). I left the room thinking "fine, I guess you will just be hungry!"

Just as I figured, he woke up around 4:30am and as I prepared a bottle (because I knew he would be hungry and he has been fighting a cold so the fluids would be good anyways), I thought to myself, "I told ya so!!!" Then, as I went in his room, as he was crying, and picked him up, he looked at me and immediately stopped crying. It was as if his eyes said "Mommas here, it's okay." Then the tears came! As I cried and fed Caleb, God was whispering to me that this is another reason He asks us to be come like children....I always thought it to be because of their "childlike" faith...but as He spoke to me, I heard him say, "Look at how he forgives!!!!" The night before I was so upset with him for not eating and he was no doubt upset at me for "forcing" him to eat when he was so tired, yet, now he was there in my arms eating and looking up at me like everything was okay. He fell asleep after eating and I held him in my arms and cuddle him for a while and praised God for all the lessons I have learned from my small little son!

How many times in my life have I let the sin of unforgiveness fester in my heart? Last night, in the early morning hours as, I admit, reluctantly got up to feed my son, God used that time to speak to me and tell me how much He desires me to become like a little child and forgive DAILY those that hurt or disappoint me. It seems like the lessons I learn from Caleb have been far more life changing then any lessons I have learned in life so far! Thanks Buddy!!!!

Cutest boy around!!!

Carrying Burdens

At church on Sunday, during prayer time, our pastor prayed that our congregation would be come fervent prayer warriors and carry each others burdens as we go through hard times. It got me thinking about how many people have stood beside me in hard times (not just since I have been a mom but throughout my life) and carried my burdens with me. How honored I was to look around just in that room and see people that have stood beside me....I got to thinking how many friends and family have pulled me through hard times...there are time in my life that I am not sure I would have gotten through without their support. Just a few come to mind...

Kirk- there have been times throughout our marriage (and before) when you have been my rock in hard times. There have been many tears cried on your shoulder and your love for me still holds fast! What an amazing man, husband, and now father you are! I couldn't ask for anyone more perfect to share every part of my life with! I love you with my whole heart!

Adam- I am not sure if you remember this conversation or not, but I remember talking to you on the phone during the time I was in "limbo" about changing my major from Nursing. I remember you saying that you were so proud of me for who I had become and that you were blessed to see how much I had grown in the past couple of years. It meant the world to me that you were so supportive in my decision, whatever it might be, and that you were going to lift me up in prayer. I can't tell you how much your love and support meant to me then and still mean to me today! You will always have a special place in my heart!!!!!

Katie- Your advice has meant the world to me through these first few months of motherhood...I wish I could steal you away and keep you here in my house just to bounce questions off every once in a while! :) It is always refreshing to talk to you and get your "ideas" on motherhood. I can't tell you how much that pulled me through during the first month or so of Caleb's life. Those were hard HARD days and your friendship and advice were "lights" to me every time you called! Thanks for being friend before all else! I am so blessed to have such a great sister-in-law!!! I am glad we share a special bond.

Mom- There have been countless times you have stood in my corner and lifted me up in prayer and support! I can't even begin to repay you for your endless love and devotion to me, dad, the boys, and now ALL of our families. I am honored to not only be your daughter but your friend. I so enjoy your company and there are times I feel I could sit and talk to you for days and not get bored. I want to thank you for your time you spent with me after Caleb was born....though the time was short, it was SUCH a blessing to me. Through the trials of nursing and little sleep, it was so nice to have someone there physically to talk through things and cry with :). I can honestly say, I may have given up on nursing if it weren't for your help (though it is still not as enjoyable for me as you make it sound :) ! I feel so blessed and honored to be your daughter. What a great woman, wife, mother, and grandmother you are! I can't wait for my kids to get to know you personally and see how wise, loving, and generous you are! I love you mom!!!!

Dad- there are many burdens you have carried not only for me, but for our family. There have been so many sacrifices you have endured for me, mom and the boys! I can't thank you enough for your strength, discipline, love, compassion, and faithfulness to us through the years. Thank you for supporting me, loving me, and praying for me though many phases of my life. Your fervant prayer for me has pulled me through more "valleys" in my life and I know! Some day, when I reach heaven, I will know the full extent of the power of your prayers! I love you dad!

I could fill this page with so many more people, but this blog would not be able to hold them all! I pray that I can be a "burden carrier" with the people in my life and show them Christ's love and compassion for them. I have been getting to know some of the new mothers as well as soon to be mothers in our church (there are 4 of them) and I have really had a desire to talk to them and share my advice (though I am no expert) on pregnancy and motherhood in it's early days.....it is so fresh in my mind and heart. I have enjoyed making phone calls during the day just to see how they are and remind them that I am in prayer for them. What a special (yet difficult) time that was for me and I pray they can feel the blessing of motherhood as I did and still am.

Anyways, just some things on my mind and heart!