Beauty from Ashes...

It is amazing how much my son makes me smile and laugh. There is so much joy in children and mine is no different. They are so innocent and small but they are full of joy. I love the times when my son will be playing with his toys and just simply look up at me and smile. It seems to come for no reason but the fact that I am there looking at him. His whole face lights up and he lets out a small shriek. Sometimes I wonder what he would say if he could talk. I imagine him telling me "Thanks, mom, for always being here with me!"......but who knows :)

It is such a joy to see children grow and discover the world around them. Caleb is so funny when he plays with one specific toy....it's a duck that has a rattle inside and there is a tag on the underside. He always manages to find that tag and look at it very intently (sometimes for a couple minutes). When he notices you looking at him (and sometimes Kirk and I laugh a bit) he will just carry on playing like nothing ever happened. We always get a good laugh out of that.

Caleb has also learned how to do "pull ups" in his swing. It is as if he thinks there is something else just on the other side of the swing that he needs to see.....it cracks me up every time.
















Oh, what a fun age 6 months is! I look back at some of the previous blogs and realize how fast time flies. It seemed like just yesterday we were struggling with nap times, eating difficulties, not sleeping well at night, and wondering if I was going insane :)......now, it seems that things have turned around (although there are still daily struggles, don't get me wrong). The feelings of helplessness have turned into a joy filled heart; tears of despair and heartache have now become tears of joy in realizing what an amazing gift I have in my son; the frustrated feelings have turned into a bit of sadness as I realize that my "little baby" is now getting bigger (he can no longer fit in the crook of my arm to eat)! Oh how the times flies!

I praise God for this time in my life. There have been so many difficult and painful times that are now being followed with a joyful heart and sounds of joy (and sometimes joyful screams!:) from my son. I know there will be more difficult times to come, but I rejoice in knowing that God went and continues to go through those valleys with me and brings me up to the peak of the mountain after molding me and shaping me into a new person. I am humbled and blessed by His amazing love for me. What a precious gift I have been given in Caleb!

---kinda random and scattered thoughts today but just some things on my heart :) Thanks for listening.

Christmas time...

Okay so I know Christmas is over but since I was so busy with family and friends, it is now time to reflect and write down some of my feelings....

One thing that really warmed my heart on Christmas (actually the 28th because that is when we had Christmas with the Reid's) was when my dad (AKA Papa) read the Christmas story. Just before he read the Christmas story he talked to the kids (my niece and nephew who are 4 and 2). He asked them why we celebrate Christmas and why we give gifts.....the kids responded "Because it's Jesus' birthday!!!" (with MUCH enthusiasm). It just warmed my heart 1) because it brought back so many memories of when dad used to talk to us when we were little about the importance of Christmas and why it was such a joy for him and Mom to give us gifts every year. 2) It warmed my heart because I could see how my dad is now passing down that joy of giving gifts to he is grandkids. He is showing them how important Christmas is because God sent His ONLY Son to come to this earth as a small baby. It was so heart warming to hear my niece and nephew get so excited about Jesus' birthday.

As I started getting tears in my eyes, I just couldn't wait to hear my son say "BECAUSE IT'S JESUS' BIRTHDAY!" I can't wait to see the joy on his face when he opens presents......I pray that he will know at a young age why we celebrate Christmas and what a special time it is.

We also were able to make a cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus! It was so much fun to see the joy on the kids faces as they celebrated this birthday with all of us. Even though the 'guest of honor' (Jesus) was not physically there, they had just as much fun singing to Him and enjoying the real reason of Christmas......I look forward to doing that with my son!!! What an honor to show little ones the real meaning of why we celebrate and give gifts on Christmas!

Asking...

One thing I regret at the beginning when Caleb was first born was not asking for help as much as I should have. Before he was born my thoughts were "I can do this.....I have babysat SO MANY TIMES....I am good with kids.....I have nieces and nephews and I can take care of them". Boy, is it different when you are the MOM! When the child is with you 24/7 things are much different.

Now, when Caleb is just over 5 months old, I am learning how to ask for help from friends and family. I am reaching out to other mothers and asking for suggestions and a helpful hand. It is amazing what sympathy and helpful hints you get from mothers that have been there! It was a huge revelation for me when I realized that I am not the only one in this boat of motherhood (it seems like a simple thing to grasp but for me it wasn't). Not only do I have a wonderful husband by my side who is, and will always, be there for me, but there are MANY mothers who have been in the same boat as me.....they have had the same heartache when their baby hurts and when their baby cries. They have stood just beyond the bedroom door as their baby cries and their own tears are running down their face! THEY HAVE BEEN THERE TOO!

If I could give advice to any new mother, I would say: Don't hesitate to ask for help from those you love and trust! They will pull through for you! No question is a stupid question when you are just figuring out this FULL time job of motherhood! You are not alone!

Just something I have learned (and am still learning) over the past 5 months! :) Motherhood is hard work but the benefits and joys FAR FAR outweigh the struggles!

Dedication

Just yesterday we had the honor of dedicating Caleb to the Lord. As I stopped and thought about this (after the dedication), it truly is a very high calling. It is something to not take lightly! (Granted, I did understand this before the fact but it just hadn't really sunk in too far yet) To stand before a congregation of people and PROMISE that you will do your best to raise your child in the ways of the Lord and to be held accountable to that is something so humbling that it gives me goose bumps!! I was brought to tears during the service when the Pastor called on our family and our church family to come along side us and guide Caleb to Christ through being examples to him of Godly men and women. What a great relief it is that Kirk and I will not be alone in this. That there will be people at church (when family cannot always be here with us) that will join us in raising Caleb to be a Godly man. Sure, he will have his choices in life and the choice to accept Christ as his personal Savior will ultimately be his, but I know that as I grew up, it meant a LOT to have people around me at church and school that could hold me accountable to what I believed and could be an example of how I should live for Christ. We are so blessed that Caleb will have that in our church.

As I went to bed last night I prayed that I would be a Godly mother and teach Caleb how to love God WHOLLY and COMPLETELY with everything he has. That I can point him to Christ in everything he does. That I will be able to show him that God loves him more than I ever could.

God help me to point Caleb to You. I pray that your light and love will shine through me as I care for my son. He is ultimately YOURS and I thank you for the privilege to raise him while I am here on this earth!

Smiles

Just a thought....what a great feeling it is when your child smiles at you....no matter what the age! They are so precious. Yeah for children!!! :)

Needs...

Today, as Caleb was in his swing and fussing and just being cranky, I was thinking "can't you just be content for a few minutes so I can get some quite time?" As soon as Kirk got home, I told him to take Caleb so I could just have some quite....well, our house is not that big and Caleb (although he did quite down for a short time) continue to fuss and cry and I could hear it all. Finally, I just took Caleb in my arms and just started talking to him in a gentle voice. He started to calm down and look at me right in the eye and hold my face in his hands....just looking at me and touching my face. As I talked, I thought, how many times do I just try and drown out the noise of my crying baby when in fact all he needs is ME!

As mothers we have a very special bond with our babies...not that fathers don't, but I think the bond is totally different with the separate parents. There are many times that I just try and drown out the noise he makes and see if he will settle down. I pray I can be more understanding and see when he really just needs MOM! What a privilege (and struggle at times) it is to be that comfort for your baby. God truly knows a thing or two about relationships huh?

Just a thought...

Family

As I enjoyed the Sunday afternoon doing NOTHING but spending time with my husband and my son, I was reminded how important it is to be with family. It is my FAVORITE thing to do. As we went to bed, my husband said to me "Is it strange that this was the perfect weekend....we didn't have to go anywhere or do anything but be together!"......my thought was "NO! It was the perfect weekend for me too!"

What a blessing it is to just be home and happy with your family (especially when it is cold and snowy outside!!!)

Just a quick thought...